Till Death Do Us Part?
by Junebugsm
Summary: Stef admits to Sharon about how disconnected and distant she feels from Lena.


**Stef admits to Sharon about how disconnected and distant she feels from Lena.**

(Takes place during **Under Water (314)** when Stef is talking to Sharon. This story is controversial because it doesn't really make Lena seem very nice. I've started to have quite a few issues with Lena and this is me venting. I hope you like it as a story at least and keep in mind this is Stef's point of view so Lena may have her own reasons for everything.)

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"And why aren't you asking your wife?" Sharon asked gently.

Stef sighed as she tried to figure out an answer. She didn't want Lena to have to make the call to pull the plug if it did come to that; but if she was being honest with herself she also didn't feel connected enough to Lena to give her that task.

"Are you, are you having problems?" Sharon asked the question she'd been wanting to ask for days.

"No." Shook her head, trying hard to truly mean it. "No." She repeated, hoping to sound more sure of herself.

"Is she having an affair, really?" Sharon asked the question she'd been dying to ask all morning - ever since Mariana showed them that tweet and neither woman seemed surprised by it.

"No, mother, we're fine." Stef said.

"You're sure?" Sharon clarified, wanting her daughter to open up to her.

"Why are you asking me this?" Stef questioned, wondering if it was that obvious that things weren't all perfect like they were pretending.

Sharon shrugged, unsure of what to say in case she upset her daughter. "I'm just saying, since I've been here I..." She paused, trying to find the right way to put her thoughts into words. ..."haven't seen much affection between the two of you." She admitted.

Stef took a deep, shuddering breath as she thought about what her mother had said. It was definitely true that in this point in their lives she and Lena were definitely not at their best and it did seem to be taking a toll on their marriage. Both of them seemed to be doing their own thing and they seemed to be drifting apart but Stef had tried not to think about it too hard for right now she just couldn't bear to think that maybe their marriage was coming to an end. No matter how much Lena had hurt her or how sad or angry she was at her; she still loved and needed Lena more than anything and the thought of losing her was more that Stef could handle.

"She kissed Monty." Stef finally admitted for the very first time. There had been no one for her to talk to about any of this. She obviously couldn't talk to Mike and the kids were out of the question and it didn't seem right to confide in any of their friends. And the one person she normally would talk to was the one who'd caused her so much pain in the first place.

"Is she in love with her?" Sharon asked softly, afraid for her daughter of the answer.

"No." Stef said, seemingly sure of herself. "It was just a mistake." She assured. "What makes me so mad is that she tried to keep it from me and I had to hear about it from someone else.

"Are you sure that's all it is?" Sharon pressed. As much as she hoped that Stef was right and that her daughter's family wasn't potentially falling apart; she also didn't want Stef to play ostrich and bury her head in the sand.

"Yes." Stef assured. She knew her mother was just concerned, especially with everything that was going on. "We've been so disconnected lately. That's part of the problem. I was too wrapped up in Callie's adoption and Lena was so undecided about adopting Ana's baby so soon after losing Frankie. Then there was the twin' accident and Brandon's tour and with all that we just stopped communicating." Stef paused, hating to admit the next part. "At least to each other." She admitted. "Lena started talking to Monty and Monty started falling in love with her and began questioning her attraction to men." She laughed humorously at the irony. "I guess Lena has that effect on women." She said, trying to hide the bitterness in her voice.

"But how could I talk to her?" Stef suddenly questioned when she felt she couldn't have done it differently. "She wasn't taking things seriously enough. "She knew that Robert was trying every way possible to take Callie from us but still she wanted me to play fair. I had Robert investigated and found out that he was having an affair and when Callie felt she had no choice but to live with him I threatened to tell Jill unless he gave Callie more time. And I used that time to try to get her emancipated so that she could make her own choice about where to live." Stef said, not entirely regretting her methods. Yes, she hated that Lena was upset with her about it but she wasn't upset that she'd done everything possible to protect her daughter and truth be told - she'd do it again if she had to. "Lena was upset on both accounts. She made me feel so guilty about keeping secrets from her and not including her and all along she was keeping the biggest secret from me. I keep trying to keep her happy and I try to give her whatever she wants. She wanted to get married so we did. She wanted a baby and we tried. Then she wanted Ana's baby but then she changed her mind and I think after that she changed it back. I'm not even sure anymore because she won't talk to me about it." Stef was crying now; it was like a dam had burst and there was no stopping it. "She wanted us to go to therapy so we did and I told her everything eventually but still she kept this from me and if Jenna hadn't told me the truth I think Lena would have kept it to herself for the rest of our lives."

Sharon, surprisingly, listened without any input. She knew that Stef needed to get all this off her chest because all too soon Stef would begin to defend Lena and it would all get bottled up once again.

"She's upset if I'm hard on the kids but she won't ever discipline them. If I'm nice to Mike she's upset; if I'm hard on him she says I'm unfair. I can't figure out what she wants from me." She admitted, for the first time realizing for herself what the problem was. "She wants me to be perfect but I don't even know what that is."

"But it's not all her fault." Stef eventually said, just at Sharon knew she would. "I guess I could have tried a different way to sort things out with Robert. She was trying to keep an open mind for Lena's sake even though she couldn't actually see a different way to achieving their goal.

"But it worked didn't it?" Sharon questioned. She too, saw things the way her daughter did and Callie was the most important in this equation. "Robert gave up his rights when he found out just how hard Callie was trying to stay with you."

"Yes." Stef nodded, still miserable that despite their happy ending, Lena was still upset with her. "But you know Lena - do everything up front."

Sharon laughed. "Nothing ever gets done that way." She said. No matter how honest or straightforward a person was - some things just had to be twisted to get them done.

"Yeah well, Lena would like me to try harder I guess." Stef said.

Sharon studied her daughter carefully and realized there was still something Stef wasn't saying. Maybe she didn't even know what it was yet; but Sharon was certain that something was still bothering her daughter.

"Honey, do you still love Lena?" Sharon questioned, wondering if Stef was beginning to feel unhappy in this marriage and just sticking around for the sake of the kids.

"Absolutely." Stef answered, looking at her mother straight in the eye. If there was only one thing she was sure of it was that she did love Lena with all her heart.

"And she still loves you?" Sharon went on, trying to get to the heart of the problem.

It was here that Stef's stance faltered slightly. Yes, Lena loved her - she was almost certain of that too. But, what if it didn't last much longer?

"Honey?" Sharon coaxed, hoping that Stef would open up about what she was thinking. Clearly this was bothering Stef and considering the circumstances, Sharon wanted her to be completely honest with herself

"She does love me." Stef said, a wavering certainty in her voice.

"But..." Sharon said for her, knowing that it was coming.

"What if she stops?" Stef whispered, almost too afraid to even say it out loud. "After the surgery; what if she stops?"

"Honey, I don't think this surgery is a deal-breaker for her." Sharon offered kindly. No matter what was going on, she knew that the lack of breasts was definitely not going to drive her away.

"She didn't want me to have the mastectomy mom." Stef reminded her mother. "She tried so hard to convince me not to do it." She shuddered as she struggled to keep it together. She'd already broken down once and she wasn't about to do it again. "She kept telling me that I wouldn't like myself after that and that out sex life would suffer but I think what she really meant was that she wouldn't like me and she wouldn't be attracted to me anymore." She admitted. This terrified her for she knew this wasn't a decision to take lightly. On the one hand she wanted to just get rid of her breasts that, to her, now felt like a ticking time-bomb; but on the other hand she didn't want to do anything that would further jeopardize her marriage. If she waited to make a decision it could be too late - she could have already gotten cancer by then; and if she just made made it right now then there was no turning back. She had no idea what the right answer was and even worse, she didn't know how to get it.

"I think you need to talk to her." Sharon said. She knew that she couldn't make this decision for them. She could give them her opinion; heck she could even shove it down their throats; but in the end the choice was Stef's and they all had to learn to live with that. "Talk to her and I mean really talk to her. Tell her what you're feeling, listen to her side of things. Don't keep anything to yourself. Let go of your pride and stubbornness and just be honest."

Stef looked away. She felt like Sharon was blaming her for what was happening and she didn't know how to defend herself.

"Honey, you're not wrong." Sharon assured her daughter, seeing the change in her. "All I'm saying it that if you want the truth then you have to be completely honest as well. Maybe you won't like what you hear but at least you'll know for sure. And for all you know - maybe she's thinking the same thing as you but just doesn't know how to say it."

"What do I say mom?" Stef asked desperately. "I need this surgery - I'll get cancer without it. What if she says she wants me to keep my breasts? What do I do then?" The conflict was clear in her voice and Sharon wished there was some way she could magically fix things. She didn't have the answers and she knew that there was only one way to really get them.

"I honestly don't think she means for you to risk your life in order to keep a pair of boobs." Sharon said, using the trendier term to keep things light though her tone and expression remained serious. "But if, _if_ , she does then maybe we can talk about it some more and decide what's best. It may be a hard decision darling but there's only one way to find out." She ended, hoping that she was right and that once the two women talked - things would be much clearer for them all.

Stef thought about what her mother had said and she knew that she was right. Logically she knew that Lena wouldn't leave her over this but none of them, Lena included, could predict the future and what if, once the deed was done, she began to see Stef differently. "Thanks mom." Stef finally said, knowing that she had to do it. She needed to know, one way or the other she had a long, hard battle in front of her and she just couldn't stay in the dark anymore about whether or not her wife was going to be by her side. She'd do whatever she needed to to keep her wife but she'd do even more to keep her life.

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 **Author's Note:**

Okay first, I haven't proofed this because I didn't have the time so I apologize for any mistakes. Second, I do love Lena but I find lately (ever since she wanted a baby) she's been extremely self-centered and quite a bit of a hypocrite and so I wrote this. I agree that both of them made mistakes but Stef was trying to protect her family while Lena was just being immature. I'm not surprised Stef felt insecure about the surgery because honestly, I did think that Lena came across as unsupportive. Some of you may agree with me while others don't and that's fair. I hope you like the story as a story even if you don't agree with my thoughts. Like I said - this is the way Stef sees things so maybe Lena would have her own side with her own justifications.

On a completely different note - I knew that Brandon was an ass and would say that Callie wasn't really his sister. I have another story (The Season Four one that was on my list to vote for) in which I even wrote that in - Brandon says that as an excuse to Stef and Callie is hurt and realizes her mistake in liking Brandon. He is an ass and I hope he moves far away and never comes back. He is a whiny, entitled brat that thinks he can get away with anything. Jesus is right - he's always the 'golden boy'.

Anyways - hope you like the story. Thanks for the reads and reviews. My daughter turns one next week (time flies) so I'm super busy planning the party so hopefully after that I'll have more time for stories.

Keep reading and writing.

Love Junebug (and Biggirlbug)


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